I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
