Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
