If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
