Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
