Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
