What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize