the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
