Sacagawea was the original milf.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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