you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
