And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
