4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
