Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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