Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
