I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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