Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
