Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The uberlube is also flammable
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
