You just made me feel so damn special
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
