drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
