There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
