I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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