I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
