Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
