I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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