Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
