i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
