I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
