Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
