my phone needs a breathalizer
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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