He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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