i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
