You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize