I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
