her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
