A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
MIDGETS
????
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
