You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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