my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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