Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
