Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
