the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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