the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
