shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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