brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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