either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
