I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
