My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
