Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
