Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize