First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
