my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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