haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
