i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
